I arrived at the church feeling worthless, without value. I used to put up with bad relationships that were not yielding any good, just because they made me feel worthwhile. Having grown up as the only girl in my family, I started behaving like a tomboy. I used to feel that God made a huge mistake by creating me as a girl. I was more drawn to masculine things. I was rough, a bully, and proud; I dressed like a boy and my personality was also manly. Along the way, I got the urge to be in control and dominant, which led me to try out relationships with other girls, just so that I could feel in control and powerful. Almost all my friends were men and I thought that was normal.
Back in 2012, shortly after joining the church, I heard about the Godllywood group, but only took a photo for challenge one and did not commit to it. I even helped other ladies by taking photos for their challenges, but I was stubborn because I was still holding on to the world and was not ready to sacrifice. (I remember challenge 2 was about sacrificing things that do not please God and I was not ready for that yet.)
As I kept going to the church and becoming more committed, one lady approached me and asked why I had not joined Godllywood. She was in the group, even though she could not read or write. That hit me like a blow and I was ashamed of myself. The words she spoke struck me so hard and since then I decided to become serious about my spiritual life. Godllywood was the best platform for my transformation.
I took a decision to end all the relationships that were holding me back from my total surrender to God. It happened when I started learning about valuing myself in the Godllywood meetings that we had. I gave up a piercing that I had on my face (a nose ring) when I was told that I would not be allowed into the group with the nose ring by the same lady who invited me to join Godllywood. I was very upset, but as I enquired more about the piercing, I was told that I was not forced to get rid of it. I figured that a piece of metal was the only thing holding me back from my blessing and I gave it up.
I am no longer the same rough Farida. I am now a servant of God taking pleasure in helping others. I no longer bully others and above all, I have grown closer to my God through all the help that I received in the church.
I thank God for the total transformation in my life. I have learned how to value myself and my femininity. I appreciate myself for the woman God made me to be and I no longer feel the urge to be dominant. Instead I am more drawn to saving souls and being feminine.
Farida Gatwiri from Kenya